Mindset | Self Improvement

How to deal with Negative Criticism: 6 helpful Tips!

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.” Daisaku Ikeda

 

Criticism can come from anywhere whether from a close friend, an acquaintance or from someone that you don’t even know or relate with, it can be professional or non-professional but either way even a negative or destructive criticism can be turned into something positive and that is entirely up to you. Truth is nobody likes to be criticized but while criticism affects many, others smile at it and use it to their advantage. Therefore, no matter the type of criticism aimed at you whether at school, work or social club, try to deal with it in a positive way by learning something good from it. Try to think of it as separating the wheat from the chaff; take what’s useful, leave the garbage and keep moving! Practice the habit of letting go the things you do not have control over and focus more on yourself and how to keep your emotions right where you want it.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

What that simply implies is that you are the architect of your life and what you allow into your life. You decide your happiness and state of mind per time. Do not give someone else that privilege.

 

Either constructive or destructive criticism isn’t the problem but our receptiveness and how we deal with it is what matters the most. A person can receive a constructive critic in a negative way yet another person will receive a destructive critic in a positive way. Hence, our perception of a thing is what gives meaning to it and what triggers our emotions to either react in a positive way or in a negative way. But ultimately we are the one in control. Most times, criticism is mere speculation with no profound evidence.

We are not in Control of what other people will say to us. But what we are in control of is how we internalize it, interpret and respond to it.

“The truth is that the way other people see us isn’t about us—it’s about them and their own struggles, insecurities, and limitations. You don’t have to allow their judgment to become your truth.” Daniell Koepke

 

If you’ve been having a hard time dealing with criticism, here are some of the tips I have applied over the years to deal with negative criticism. You might want to try them out!

 

1.     Don’t take it personally

“There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.” Don Miguel Ruiz

Some areas of criticism teach you not to sweat the small stuff i.e. take nothing personally and do not let someone opinion of you, becomes your reality. The problem is not in the critics because that can’t be avoided, the problem is in how you choose to receive or perceive it.

The truth is that everyone is entitled to their opinion whether valid or invalid and anyone can air their views at any given time. Taking to heart someone else’s opinion means you giving that person the access to decide your state of mind or mood instead of learning how to respond well the first time in order to prevent it from dominating your day. Happiness doesn’t depend on how few negative thoughts you have, but on what you do with those thoughts.

 

 2. Decide What to Believe

 “A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.” Bryon Katie

What really matters isn’t what is said about you but what is important and what matters the most is if you believe in them. If we can recondition ourselves to not necessarily see things in black and white terms, there’s, therefore, no limit to how far we can go! Remember that the criticism represents just one person’s point of view. Know what your strength is and don’t let other people’s opinions keep you from working hard towards your goal and what you believe in. you don’t have to allow their opinion of you becomes your truth.

The more time you spend dwelling on that negative thoughts or on what someone said, the less time you have to do something with it. Even when you secretly agree with the critic, take it as a challenge to work on that area in order to do better next time for when you become great at whatever it is that you worked on, the credit comes to you. And mind you, be ready for more critics because as your work progresses more of it will surely come lol. Learn to expect and live with it because it is a part of living.

 

3. Replace Negative Thoughts with Positive thoughts

“Staying positive does not mean you do not have negative thoughts, it simply means you do not allow those thoughts control your life. “ Jay Shetty

It will amaze you to know that according to research 80 per cent of our thought is negative hence, it is important to transform ourselves by changing our habits of mind to stop dwelling on those negative thoughts. No doubt, negative thoughts will always Crip in but you have to fight them with all you’ve got.

Your thoughts and emotions that come with it if not well managed can affect your health. Anger, fear, resentment, frustration and anxiety are emotional states that many people experience regularly but they try to avoid. These negative emotional states if not properly-managed can result to issue like chronic stress amidst others. Changing the quality of your thinking is changing the quality of your life. Permit me to say, that you are what you think per time. Positive thinking tends to have a measurable, constructive effect on your personality. Always remember that those awful feelings you get from negative critics are just feelings of a temporal state of your mind don’t let them permanently destroy you. Don’t make a permanent decision for a temporal emotion.

 

4. Give it your own interpretations

“Your thought and the way you interpret any event triggers your feelings either negatively or     positively.” Brian Tracy

What is being said about you is inconsequential but rather how you interpret it and feel about yourself is what matters. Your interpretation is what gives meaning to whatever is been said. Hence, learn to remove yourself from what is been said about you and focus on the issue that is being critiqued. What is been said about you are not true but only a perception of you and you can always choose to perceive things differently; you can either choose to interpret an event to your own benefit or disadvantage but like I said earlier is entirely up to you. Criticism will always come but how you choose to respond to them defines your true character. They are meaningless until an interpretation is given to it by you.

 

5. Receive it as a feedback

“It’s okay to care about what people think. Just know there’s a difference between valuing someone’s opinion and needing their approval.” Lori Deschene

Interpreting someone else’s feedback gives an opportunity for rational thinking. Learning to receive false criticism—feedback that has no constructive value—without losing your confidence is a must if you want to go forward in life. Receiving this feedback will remind you it’s okay to have flaws—imperfection is part of being human. Sometimes, despite a negative comment received, criticism can become incredibly useful depending on how you use it for to your own advantage.

If you can admit those weaknesses and work on them without feeling any less of yourself, you’ll experience far more happiness, peace, wellness and success than you can imagine.

We are all perfectly imperfect, and other people may notice that from time to time. We may even notice it in each other but remember, there is a huge difference between valuing someone’s opinion over needing their approval.

 

6. Make a commitment to be happy

 “I have decided to stop saying yes to people and situations that don’t support my well-being. Instead, I will say yes to my happiness, and yes to my growth, and yes to all the people and things that inspire me to be authentic and whole, while at the same time accepting me just as I am. My yes, from here on out, is my pledge to live honestly, my commitment to love myself fiercely, and my cry to create my best life possible. Yes.” Scott Stabile

Deciding to stay happy and learning to move forward after criticism is a choice you will have to make. Even if you don’t feel incredibly confident after a critic, ensures that no comment is capable enough to alter your mood and prevent you from pursuing your dreams. Get rid of all the toxic critics of people out of your life: When you give in to critics, it simply implies that you are giving someone else the power to influence your mind and to control your life. You are in control of the outcome of your life don’t you forget that; you decide your own happiness every time and you don’t need some else’s approval for that.

Life doesn’t allow for us to go back and change what has been said about us or fix our past wrongs and mistakes, but it does allow for us to live each day better than our last.

“One day it will just click and you will realize what’s important and what isn’t. You’ll learn to care less about what other people think of you and more about what you think of yourself. You realize how far you’ve come and you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover. And then you smile. You smile because you are truly proud of yourself and the person you’ve fought to become.” Unknown

 

 

 

My name is Juliet. I am a learner and I love to learn Just anything at that lol!

40 Comments

  • You know who. 😌

    Put simply; “A thing is what you call it.” By my bro..lol.
    Nothing much to say really. You took a long big ass sword and pierced the topic through..lol. Good work.

    • Juliet Igiebor

      I know it’s no one else but the one and only Nickdrizzy. I think I like that “A thing is what you call it.” for it is one’s interpretation of a thing or an event that gives it a meaning. Thanks for your wonderful comment.

  • Emilio Oghene

    Beautiful write up. After reading through I choose to react positively to criticism and also decide to be happy no matter what.

    • Juliet Igiebor

      Well, I think you just made the best choice Emilio my day one love lol. Thanks and I appreciate your wonderful comment.

  • Joe

    This is very helpful.

    I think everyone needs to consciously learn how to coach their inner dialogue, this helps to convert our attitude from negative to positive, the more we allow these negative thoughts, the more the potential damage.

    The greatest power a person possesses is the power of CHOICE.

  • Chiiii

    Very insightful!

    Most times some people do not know how to communicate so they say many critical stuff, sometimes unknowingly, other times, deliberately to hurt.
    That’s why I like the bit that says take the important point and discard the chaff.

    You go girl!

    • Juliet Igiebor

      I agree with you dear, one does not have to agree with everything that is been said. Just stick to what you believe and what works best for you. Thanks for your contribution.

    • Juliet Igiebor

      You are right dear thank you so much, Michele, for your wonderful comment I truly appreciate. And am glad it was helpful.

  • Vivian

    Excellent article.I really learnt a lot from this.Your write up inspires me a lot.Looking forward to reading more of your articles.God bless you.

    • Juliet Igiebor

      Thanks, inlaw am glad it did inspire you. Thanks for your comment and know that your contributions are welcomed anytime.

  • Toyosi

    Beautiful write up!
    I become very defensive whenever I’m being criticized…Now I know I have to deal with it in a positive way and take what’s useful..
    Thanks Jules,This will go a long way

    • Juliet

      Thanks, for your comment my love now you know better lol. We have to always learn to interpret negative critics to our benefit especially those things or event we do not have control over.

    • Juliet

      No doubt critics will always come as long as we are alive; it is part of human existence. Our focus should not be about what is said but on how we deal with what is been said. Thanks for your comment.

  • Teeyira

    Your thoughts are deep and insightful,strong enough to shape a positive mind. Thanks for sharing Juliet… You have always been a brain.

    • Juliet

      Such lovely comment Teeyira, am glad it was helpful and also that you took out time to go through it lol. Too much of negative vibes everywhere, I just think the world needs more of positive minds.

  • Ameh kingsley

    Am really impressed wit dis act of brilliance which u have displayed igeibor. A tip which will improve life’s and make a better choice for a lot of human. Good ok dear💪🏽

  • Osemwengie

    Your write up are always topical and insightful.

    Criticism is a key part of our daily lives, especially negative criticism. It is however said “you cannot shave a man’s hair in his absence” – therefore it is calamitous to allow others control our emotions by ways of criticism.

    Thanks for this well articulated inspirational piece..

    • Juliet

      Well spoken Osemwengie. Such a powerful word -“You cannot shave a man’s hair in his absence.” wow! and thanks for your well-articulated contribution also, it means a lot.

  • GreatIb

    This is an inspiring piece. I have personally observed over the years that the way other “people see us isn’t about us but a reflection of their struggle, emotion, success, limitations, fears, influence” and so on. Therefore it’s important to learn how to leave your own life, believe in yourself, accept the criticism as it comes whether it is constructive or not. I have learnt from this piece never to allow other people opinion affect the way I should behave towards them or others…. so that they won’t indirectly evidence or rule my life.

    • Juliet

      GreatIB you have spoken well and I sincerely value your contribution, it was very insightful and a well-deserved comment. Thank you very much for stopping by and am glad it was helpful.

  • Atuluku Lawal

    Wao! This article explains vertually what we experience everyday of our life… Infact i have learnt alot julie….. Staying positive iss a good…. Thanks.

    • Juliet

      My good and learned friend, where have you been hiding? so pleased to hear from you again. Thanks for your comment and am glad you learnt something from this.Thumbs up!

  • STEPHEN

    Lovely write up…..i am loving the woman you at becoming. You thoughts are deep am glad you poured them out just the right way. This is just the beginning…..

    • Juliet

      Awwww….thanks Stephen, am grateful to God for this opportunity to share and pour my heart in this way. I hope it will reach out to someone in need of this. This really means a lot and thanks once again for creating the time to read this piece. Pls keep sharing till it gets to someone who needs it also.

    • Juliet

      Thanks, Wise for your comment and encouragement; am glad it served its purpose. New post comes up every Monday, so watch out for it.

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