EVER ASKED WHY YOU ARE IN THAT RELATIONSHIP? THIS STEPS WILL GUIDE YOU.
January 2, 2019
A healthy relationship, not just any kind is an exciting experience availing you the opportunity to learn about another person’s behaviour, lifestyle, or way of thinking which can sometimes be difficult. Human beings are social animals and most of us yearn for close relationships with other people irrespective of what type of relationship it is.
Apart from the exciting moment that accompanies a healthy relationship, not knowing the reason for being in any relationship at an early stage is just like a sailor without a compass. Knowing exactly what you want out of a relationship is not just as easy as it sounds but can be a very difficult process because every relationship is unique with different priorities from the previous one. This article will guide you on some of the possible questions you might need to ask before you get serious with that partner and ways through which you get to find out whether or not your expectations are similar.
People go into a relationship for different reasons with expectations best known to them without minding to know about the expectations of the other person. Don’t assume that person knows about what your expectations are. A relationship should be based on communication, not on assumption or feel alone. Every participant in any relationship should know what their expectations are and set their priorities right in order to avoid such feelings of being used or neglected. A healthy relationship did not just fall out of the sky or achieved overnight but takes a lot of hard work, commitment and deliberate effort of the parties involved.
KNOW THAT RELATIONSHIP MEAN DIFFERENT THINGS TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE
Casual or Intimate be it whatever kind of relationship can vary depending on the expectations of both partners. A causal relationship is often one with no expectation of long-term commitment hence, prioritize that relationship before you get into one. Don’t just assume things will work themselves out; rather be clear on what your expectations are. Some people may rather date for pleasure or the fun of it and this group of people prefers spending a lot of time with lots of different people, perhaps even becoming sexually intimate with lots of casual partners having no form of commitment whatsoever. For another individual, he/she may prefer to become emotionally attached and committed to just one person. I believe getting involved with someone who doesn’t feel the same way as you isn’t what you really want. Now the question is why are you in that relationship? Eventually, most people hope to find someone they can commit to in a long-term relationship while for some others they are yet to figure this out.
ARE YOU IN THAT RELATIONSHIP, TO BEGIN WITH?
To get a better understanding of what you want in a relationship, it’s best to ask yourself what are those things you do not want. Figure out those personal values you do not want to compromise. You cannot tell if that partner will share the same values as you. However, it’s important to know what yours are so that you can know which beliefs and principles you are not willing to change. Have you tried to think back on your previous relationships? Be it casual, platonic or romantic. Do they end badly? Have you considered the factors that contributed to why it did not work out? Think of them as a guide for what you don’t want to happen in the future. Some people search for a partner to complete them; your partner should complement you instead. We tend to want someone like us, why not look for those traits you do not possess in someone else and try to see how you can imbibe them for yourself if necessary. Rather learn to value and love yourself in a way that is not dependent on anyone else loving you first, it’s called self-love. Think about your expectations, what kind of relationship you want for your partner and yourself. Do you want a casual and non-committed relationship or a committed one? Knowing your values and what you want from the beginning of any relationship can help you discover easily if that individual possesses what you want and if your principle and beliefs fit perfectly to theirs.
There are different expectations in every relationship, sometimes these expectations are made clear by talking about them, but other times they just tend to develop as people spend time together. How would you tell you to know someone if you have not spent time with them well enough? How well do you think you know that someone as to wanting to have a relationship with them? Certain steps can help u identify those expectations which you might never get to discover just on your own?
CHECK FOR COMPATIBILITY TRAIT
Evaluate your compatibility with that someone to know how well they match up with your personal values, goals, interests and dreams. How likely do you agree or disagree with your partner on certain issues? Do you embrace those differences you think you have discovered about each other or argue and quarrel over them?
Compatibility here does not necessarily mean in most cases that both partners would have to agree on the same thing to be compatible. In some cases, it can mean an opposite attraction; what that implies is that both partners can have an opposite taste, styles or view about life but yet they still get along well simply because they find their differences intriguing and are cool with it and that is when you hear words like, ‘I just love him for who he is, or I just love her regardless of’. They tend to have respect for each other’s views and opinion. Though we all have our different views and opinion about issues of life I tell you the truth, it is a lot easier to relate with someone who does see things from your perspective let’s be frank. Does your partner see things the way you do? Do you reason alike? Is he/she the social type or the reserved type? How does your partner perceive certain things? What are those likes and dislikes? How are they different from yours? What is your partner’s opinion about sex, career, children, money, religion, food, health?
These are some vital questions you need to find out to know whether or not you are right for each other before you commit yourself to that relationship. Imagine a scenario where someone says or does something the other person would have said or done; this can increase compatibility between two individual. Having all this knowledge can go a long way as to building not just any kind but a healthy relationship.
A good relationship begins with good communication. It is possible that two people can be in the same relationship yet see it differently. After you have discovered that you and your partner are quite compatible- sharing similar values, goals, and interest in a lot of things, the next thing is to talk about your next move.
A communication I believe goes beyond making phone calls and keeping in touch so to speak but then verbally and non-verbally you can get to learn a lot about someone. A relationship is all about communication through which a person can build some level of trust for another individual. How you truly feel about someone can only be expressed through communication. You don’t expect or assume that your partner should know how you feel about them; you don’t expect him/her to know your views about their opinions on certain issues. How can your partner tell what you like or don’t like if they aren’t aware of it in the first place?
Always tell or express how you feel good or bad. Tell your partner about how you truly feel discuss it and then resolve it. Be straightforward about your feelings for it’s best to know early if your partner is interested or not in having a long-term relationship. It will amaze you how much you get to learn from each other.
People only feel safe to communicate their emotions, thoughts, and ideas or share certain issues regarding their personal life to another person of whom they have come to trust and have some form of connection with. Through regular communication; we can develop some form of connection with someone, achieve meaningful conversions, develop one’s personality, or simply have fun which is the essence of every relationship, to begin with. But keep in mind that all this requires a lot of time so you have to be patient since it’s going to be the foundation for the future of your relationship.
Remember relationship involves two people coming together and agreeing to stay together irrespective of certain flaws or differences that may exist between them. When you say you are committed to someone, it means that you are ready to be loyal and faithful to each other and not just that, you are also willing to share your time and other resources with them. It has to do with a lot of conscious sacrifices. Some people due to past trauma in their previous relationship are afraid of being hurt and so might have the fear of commitment. Ensure this issue has been dealt with personally before getting into another one. Commitment can mean different things to different people. Knowing whether your partner is willing to be committed as yourself on a long-term is worth finding out before going into that relationship.
Henceforth, the next time you want to rush into that relationship, look beyond his cute face or her jaw-dropping figure, pause and ask yourself some of these questions and that can help you in making that right choice of a partner that you would be proud of and that will lead to a healthy relationship in the future.
Know also that the capacity to form and maintain not just any kind of relationship but a healthy one is very vital to us and how we function in society as social beings. But in case you are already in that relationship and things are not working as expected, I believe this is some of the steps you probably might have skipped but yet, it is not too late to straighten things out if you truly want to be with that someone. The truth still remains that nobody truly understands your relationship like you; no one else is in it but you. More so, before you waste your time and that of the other person, figure it out on your own why you are in it all along or why you have chosen to be in a relationship with that someone and know whether or not you hope to continue. You will be glad you did cheers!