ADVICE | FRIENDSHIP

Friendship Is Important Not Mandatory.

Whether we like it or not, every force has its equal. Light or dark, love or hate, right or wrong, good or bad — one can’t exist without the other. Hence permit me to use the phrase good friend, bad friend.

“Life was meant for good friends and great adventures.” Unknown

 

 

Every now and then we come across people who become our friends; these people come into our lives whether lifelong or short-lived, every friend eventually get to play an important role in some part of our life, whether we realize it or not. They are there to fill those gaps because no man is an island. Some of them we have a deep conversation with and some to make us laugh when we feel depressed but whatever the case may be, a friend should be a plus to our lives and not vice versa.

Who says friendship is compulsory? No doubt it is a pleasant feeling when you get to find true friends for even the Bible spoke about those friends which stick closer than a brother. There are worthy friends so we should be mindful of those conniving ones who do not have our interests at heart. It’s no surprise that there are friends with benefits as well as those that are ready to stick their neck out for us.

 

Who are those you call your friends? Those you tell your secrets, those you share your personal issues with and those you confide in.

 

Everyone is giving an equal opportunity by creation but then our choices sometimes make us different from the other person. Let’s not forget that every choice we get to make good or bad has its consequences, and we are responsible for our actions. Hence we must be careful about how we make them. Anyone has the tendency to become bad or good as the case may be but our choices are what defines who we are or who we become. A person becomes bad or good by the choices they make for we all have the same power of choice but it’s up to us to make our own choices either bad or good ones. Your choices make you bad or good hence, you are the way you are by the choices you’ve made and no one is to be blamed.

“At some point, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” Unknown

Mind you, I am not asking you to ditch your friends or begin to choose like you are choosing a piece of cloth, No! That is not the case. As humans, we are different in many ways and we tend to do things differently. We reason differently, our interests are different and how personality no doubt differs. So for me, this is where choice comes in. Mostly it’s easier for us to connect with people who share the same interest, goals and aspiration in life than those who don’t and that is my point exactly.

 

Having trouble identifying a true friend? What comes to your mind when you think about that friend?

“Happiness is meeting an old friend after a long time and feeling like nothing has changed.” Unknown

 

Some friends are wolves in sheep clothing permit me to say. They pretend to be nice in front of you but behind you, they are vampires. Fake! Watch it! Any friend, who condemns a person in front of you, will definitely condemn you in front of someone else. They praise you when you are watching and when you turn your back at them, they can stab you multiple times. True friends are those that say nice things behind you.

 

Your values should determine your choice of friend.

“Time and good friends are two things that get more valuable the older you get.” Unknown

 As humans, we all crave for acceptance and want to be with someone who accepts us for us which is not as bad as the case may be. We tend to be more comfortable and drawn to people who are like us rather than people who are different from us. My point is why waste your time with someone who does not share in the same interest as you?

Someone who does not smoke for instance, but have friends who do, will eventually begin to smoke after some time simply because you want to feel among or be accepted. You don’t want to look different from the rest, so in no time you begin to blend into the system. For what seems improper or abnormal now becomes normal at that point.

To some, “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are” might be a myth, but I want to believe to some degree just like a magnet, like attract like.

Every human is important and unique in their own way no doubt but not every individual can possess every quality that is needed or expected for the different stages of our life.

For me, any sarcastic, loving, uplifting, crazy, annoying, caring person is welcome as a friend but not the inconsiderate and toxic ones who do not want to see you grow, who derives joy in causing you pain. You can help another friend become a better individual which is Awesome! But be very careful not to compromise or be influenced in the process. Any friend who would want to lure you into hurting or causing harm to another fellow is not a true friend.

 

Quality Not Quantity is Key

 “Sometimes your circle decreases in size but increases in value.” Unknown

I have a lot of friends is not an achievement, for it’s not in the number but in the substance and value. One good friend is far better than many fake ones. A true friend should be an embodiment of peace, love, kind-heartedness, caring, understanding, helpful, encouraging or inspiring but anything outside of these is unhealthy and unacceptable.

True friends want to see you grow and excel, they want to see you become a better person each passing day. They give you constructive critic and are truly upset with you when you misbehave. They create room for your errors; they don’t turn their backs on you or reject you when there is a problem, they support you mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially when necessary and they do so unconditionally. True friends are like stars you don’t always see them but you know they’re always there.

So here’s a shout-out to all of my crazy, sarcastic, annoying, loving, caring, understanding friends, people that I don’t say thank you to often enough or call. Whether we talk every day or once in a year lol, just know that you are awesome and appreciated too plus I value your friendship a lot.

 

Friendship is free and does not come with a price. Any friendship that comes with a condition is not worth your time.

“You cannot change the people around you, but you can change the people you choose to be around.” Unknown

Friendship can be everything except with a condition. Some people have placed a condition on their friendship unknown to them. Those who feel their friends should have certain things to belong or should dress in certain ways before they can hang out with them. Like I earlier said, friendship should be based on substance, good and positive values and not material or egoistic qualities which are inconsequential and of no added value.

Some friends are there for only what they can get and not what they can add, what they can take and not what they can give call it friends with benefits if you like. Any friend, who isn’t adding value to your life positively, is not what you want for a friend. They only show up when they need something from you or when it’s convenient and disappear afterwards.

 “Everyone has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” Unknown

 More often, friends who challenge us positively, those that push us beyond our limit, inspire and motivate us are friends who really have our back; they want what is best for us. True friends don’t envy, compare or compete with each other rather they look for ways to help each other become better. Khali Gibran said, “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.” True friends will always find a way to help you; fake friends will find an excuse. I am lucky to have a few naughty friends whose level of naughtiness matches mine all the way. They make my life amazing. But in life we never actually lose friends, we only get to learn who the true ones are over time. So take a time out to celebrate those friends who have been there with you every step of the way for it is not how we care in the beginning but how much we care till the end that matters. Cheers!

4 Comments

  • Nuwam Albert

    It’s been awhile since I pick up a book to read, because it seems like must writers are fictional, and I live in a real world.
    But I think I’m off to a great start with “Self Will Mentality”. Just the first page through and I’m into it.

  • Osaghai Bongo

    Good insight on this issue of friendship love it. In friendship, you might just be what some people are looking for. So do you and you might just be the good friend someone is looking for. Its not all about looking for friends with your same kind of value (good friends) but being one yourself.

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