5 Great Ways to deal with Insecurities in your life
February 26, 2019
Insecurity is uncertaintyor lack of confidence in oneself to do something or measure up to a certain standard and everyone experiences insecurity in their lives. Insecurities mostly come from low self-esteem. Most people have dealt with insecurity at one time or the other but there are some people who do most of the time. It can happen at home, work, in school or in relationships. We wonder if we’re good enough, attractive enough or intelligent enough and whether people like us or not. We have anxiety about our futures wondering if we’re living up to everyone’s expectations.
We have doubts about our relationships; we look at the lives of others and compare it with ours and we panic and feel threatened by their success. I believe certain occurrences from our childhood or parental upbringing, past traumas, social anxiety; recent experiences of rejection, failure, and disappointment have in a way led to feelings of insecurity in our lives.
Here are usually the 3 most common forms of insecurities that are holding you back.
Insecurityas a result of Social anxiety
Low self-esteem is often a big problem for people who have social anxiety or social phobia. The constant fear and anxietyof not measuring up in the eyes of others or what other people are thinking about you— can leave you feeling anxious and self-conscious all the time; fear and anxiety about speaking or performing in public. Many people tend to experience a lack of confidence when it comes to social gathering or event. You feel you are not good enough and as a result, you tend to avoid social gatherings. This type of insecurity is generally based on deformed beliefs about your self-worth—and about the extent to which other people are evaluating you.
Fear of being embarrassed or criticize keeps you from attending a public event. Social media no doubt is a great way for keeping contact with people but at the same time can also trigger anxiety for some people – for instance, you look at the followers of others and compare with yours, and then you feel as though you don’t measure up. But In order for you to overcome all these feeling and thoughts, you must recognize them as symptoms of your anxiety and not reality.
Insecurity asa result of past event, recent Failure or Rejection
We all have good and bad days, and how we feel about ourselves often changes daily to reflect events. Our happiness as a result of recent happenings in our lives can greatly affect both our mood and the way we feel about ourselves? An everyday event such as the loss of job, the death of a spouse, breakup or ending a relationship in addition to other negative events can trigger some form of insecurity; because your unhappiness resulting from failures, rejection or disappointment has a lot to do with your self-esteem. know that self-esteem is a personality trait that develops over your lifetime and can mean positive or negative evaluations about yourself. If I may ask, Do you have a good opinion about yourself? or do you allow others to control the way you feel about yourself? A sign that you need to work on your self-esteem and happiness is if you find yourself constantly looking to others to determine how you feel each time.
Insecurity Driven by Perfectionism
Perfectionists can often seem obsessive, and their focus on detail can make them less open to new ways of doing things. Some of us set very high standards for everything we do. You want the best score, the best job, the perfect body or the ideal partner. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always turn out exactly the way we want, even if we work extremely hard because to some degree certain things are out of our control.
Partners may resist commitment, friends sometimes may be unreasonable, bosses may be critical, jobs may be scarce or you may have tried all you could to get skinny like the models you see on the magazine but all effort you’ve made have proved abortive. Off cause perfectionism is not always a bad thing, rather it is a desirable trait to have but if you are constantly blaming yourself for being anything less than perfect, you will start to feel insecure and unworthy.
If you find yourself constantly struggling with insecurity, it might be time to make some changes. Combat the feelings of insecurities by increasing your self-esteem and become more confident each passing day with the following tips.
1. Find out the root cause of your insecurity.
The first step to solving any problem is to figure out what is causing the problem and why you feel the way you do. Sometimes what you think is the problem might turn out not to be. Do you feel insecure around your boss, your parent, friends, partner or a certain group of people? Some may even feel insecure about their body. You need to know exactly what the problem is in order to figure out the right step or solution to it. It will do you a lot of good to take time out to reflect on your life – both past and present. Try to identify those people or things that make you feel insecure.
Have you experienced a major loss, failure, rejection or breakup that left you feeling worthless? Did you have such a hard time while growing up? Maybe it has something to do with your past relationship how it didn’t end well and has left you devastated and traumatize. Do you have a great parental and stable relationship with your parent or guardian; where they supportive or hard on you? All these are possible root causes of insecurities because they eventually contribute to our overall self-esteem either positively or otherwise. Some people grew up in homes and environment where they had a lot of support and encouragement while some others experience rejections and critics. These are two different scenarios which speak differently of an individual.
2. Change your attitude; focus on what you have control over.
Often times we are the cause of our insecurities and not always as a result of an external event. We feel insecure because we feel like we’re out of control, or that someone else is in charge of our lives. When you focus too much on what you do not have control over, you risk increasing your insecurities. But when you focus on what you can control, you put yourself in charge of the situation. Sometimes we cannot change a situation instead what we can do is a simple change of attitude and that will fix our problem.
For example, you experience a breakup over 6months ago that left you with unpleasant memories but still you have the photo of that “ex” in your photo gallery, and every time you scroll through your gallery – you see his/her face and memories flash back leaving you feeling sad, angry, depressed or more especially worthless.
The truth is if you are not ready to let go and if you can’t handle the feelings that come with it, you have no reason keeping the photo; this is the time to choose a different attitude. Deciding to stay happy and optimistic is a choice. Instead of thinking, “I’ll never be able to get past this feeling, “try saying, “I’m going to move ahead with my life and be happy because that is what is best for me.
3. Improve your self-esteem; by focusing on your strength.
Everyone has some unique qualities in them, find yours. Instead of thinking on your flaws alone, embrace and celebrate your strengths. Remind yourself daily of those qualities. Stop looking only on your weakness it only results in more negative thinking of worthlessness. You are responsible each time for how or what you feel about yourself. You can choose to feel pity for yourself all the time or you can choose to be confident for no one was born confident.
It is quite common to disregard our own strengths, talents, and abilities. But taking time to find and acknowledge your strengths will help in increasing your self-esteem; for it serves as a reminder of your worth and value.
Avoid the habit of always criticizing yourself. Thinking in such a way will only reduce your self-esteem and increase your feelings of insecurity. Change what you believe and how you feel emotionally; because our thoughts influence our behaviour and how we feel each time.
4. Evaluate your current relationships and stop trying to be a people-pleaser.
Insecurities sometimes come from your personal evaluation of yourself, but they are often brought on by other people. Take some time to reflect on your current relationships. Is there someone or group of people you associate with who are constantly bringing you down? Sometimes we can feel threatened about certain people around us and we can’t be ourselves or feel confident. If the people you surround yourself with doesn’t make you feel good about yourself or you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin whenever you are around them, change your relationship.
You don’t have to manage in that relationship or try to fit in that group. There is a wise say, “go to where you are celebrated rather than where you’re tolerated.” Anyone or anything that makes you feel less of yourself is toxic and not good for your health.
Maybe your issue is work-related. Do you have coworkers who like to bring you down each time your name is mentioned? And you feel if you could act in a certain way towards them – he or she would like you better. Stop being a people-pleaser at the expense of your own happiness. Guard your self-esteem with all you’ve got.
5. Stop comparing yourself to other people.
Believe it or not, it’s tough not to compare yourself with others sometimes. You raise the bar even higher if you start examining your achievements and accomplishment in life with that of others. Well, it is natural to compare yourself with others or even envy their success. But it is dangerous and unhealthy when you become obsessed with your own deficiencies rather than the areas in which you excel. This can drain and prevent you from even recognizing many other great aspects of your life.
Constant comparison with others tends to lower your self-esteem and make you feel bad about yourself. Become aware of how you view yourself and resist the urge to compare yourself with others. Maybe you feel like you can never measure up to other people but chances are, there are many people who wish they were more like you in some ways too and you just don’t know it yet. Set achievable goals for yourself that will boost and build your confidence and learn those behaviours that will improve your opinion of yourself. Most especially learn to embrace your individuality and uniqueness. It’s ok to admire other people but unhealthy to compare our lives with theirs. Set your own standards to improve your life and not live by the standard of others.