It is so true that every relationship is different and unique from the other but there is one common factor which is synonymous to every relationship and that is the problems encountered. You will agree with me that every relationship has its ups and down which is normal if you have ever been in a relationship. But just as there are problems, there are also solutions. Do you desire a change in your relationship? What are those things that are working and what are those things that are not? Don’t you want to try out something new? Do something different this time perhaps the result will amaze you. Sometimes, all it takes is just a simple decision and change of attitude that is required to fix that problem in your relationship. Relationships may develop problems for various reasons but often at times is the need to change others instead of ourselves is usually the reason why the problems remain unresolved. Maybe a change in the way you relate or communicate with your partner is all that is needed. Do you want that relationship to work? The following steps usually work magic.





The first step to solving any problem including relationship problems is to identify the cause of the problem. Whatever the issue might be in your relationship, it can only be resolved when you identify what the problem is then finding new ways through which you can work things out. You never can tell if it’s the usual and old ways of doing things perhaps is what is causing the problems. The way you speak to your partner might be the simple cause of the problems you are having. It might be that your partner isn’t cool with the way you are blunt about issues or the way you tend to keep things to yourself instead of expressing it but whatever the issue may be trying to identify them. Change only comes when you realize the areas you need to make changes in and then decide to make those changes.





You do realize that when a problem arises, communication often breaks between both partners and you no longer talk the way you use to. If this sounds like you, then this might be an issue that needs a change of attitude to deal with. You should always learn how to deal with problems as they arise and resolve them. In trying to resolve these problems, you should try and be polite and specific when talking about those aspects that bother you the most but learn to do so in a calmer tone. It is best when you observe the state of mind of your partner, look for those times when your partner is in their best mood and happiest frame of mind.

Understand that you are both different hence; there is no right or wrong but a difference in opinion. Avoid bottling small problems; this can adversely turn into bigger problems. Deal with them as they happen else they can lead to resentment over time. And when you feel that you are at fault, and you value your relationship try to apologize, let go and move on. For apology doesn’t make you any less of yourself but a sign of maturity instead. Some partners find it hard to apologise even when they realized that they have wronged the other person just like the popular philosophical norms says, “Two wrongs don’t make a right”. When you begin to apportion blames and you don’t admit to your fault, how can that problem be resolved? Can you see that you are the cause of your own problem in that relationship? Why not have a change of heart today and do the right thing by saying, I would be the first to apologise, forgive, change the way I speak to my partner and see what difference that makes in your relationship.




Often times we tend to react too quickly to our emotions rather than think things through. Sometimes when an argument gets heated, we feel the urge of wanting to say things that would upset the other person instead of what would calm the situation. Are you the angry type? Maybe it’s time to have a change of attitude, decide on what works best for you when these emotions of anger Crips in for it’s easier for you to handle them yourself than it is for the other person to deal. My advice is that if you know what calms you down do it, take a short walk or go listen to some music and for me, music calms me down. Do whatever it takes to calm your nerves perhaps before continuing in that discussion because at that point you are likely to say something you do not mean or might regret later. Do not allow anger to get the better part of you. Anger does not resolve anything rather it fuels the argument into more argument and drifts you apart.





Sometimes problems may arise in relationships if a partner feels like he or she is not being heard. We tend to have too many talkers than listeners in a relationship. Practice the habit of listening when your partner is talking to you about something or about how he or she feels. Note, that is not the time to press your phone or listen to the music you like but rather give your partner your complete attention. Let your partner know that you are interested in and concerned about whatever it is that is the problem. Try to understand the person’s grievances and complaint towards you perhaps it might be an observation of a particular habit that you are used to exhibiting. Avoid the mistake of trying to justify yourself because that is not the right time to do so.  Understand what the person is saying before you try to speak and justify your actions. It is important to respect what your partner is feeling, the emotions they are going through for that is not the time to begin to point fingers.



Learn to compromise with your partner in that relationship. A relationship isn’t one-sided, it involves two people working together. Everyone responds to situations differently, so don’t’ always expect to win every argument all the time instead try to come to an agreement regarding certain issues. Don’t let your ego takes the better part of you and don’t take everything to heart most times. Sometimes you can decide to let go when you realize how affected the other person is not minding who is at fault and this is where compromise comes in. we all have our level of tolerance or limit no doubt, but when you know you can tolerate the other person regarding a certain issue, do so even without letting the other person know about it. Some people are very sensitive while others are pragmatic in nature hence, try to understand this difference about each other and work together to make each other feel comfortable and accepted instead of trying to change one another.



Avoid referring to things in the past that has happened in your relationship. You cannot change the past but certainly what you can do is to learn from it and move on. Let the past remain with the past. Most people make the mistake of bringing back past incident they had with their partner whenever there is a little argument or problem. Your partner did something in the past, don’t bring it up in the present or even try to make reverence to it, this can actually give birth to more problems or can lead to a break up in some cases if the situation is not properly handled so avoid it in the first place. We all have our shares in the past hence, never bring back the past period.





You need to continuously work on how you communicate with your partner as you cannot expect him or her to guess what you’re feeling or thinking. Things don’t just happen or fix itself. Communication is key in any relationship to define boundaries. You need it to express feelings, needs and expectations. You need it to solve conflicts and you even need it when it comes to intimacy. Develop the habit of expressing how you feel per time about certain issues in your relationship with your partner. Learn to talk things through it gives a better and profound understanding of the other person. See your partner as your friend, don’t wait for issues to arise before you talk about things. Practice the habit of talking about any and everything with your partner, by so doing you get to learn a lot of things about each other. Share your opinion on certain things; feel free to crack jokes and tease each other it helps to ease tension and build more connection between the both of you. Advice and encourage each other to be the best.





Enough with the excuses all the time and truly be there for your partner no matter how busy you are. Make out time for each other and never take him or her for granted but rather show appreciation one to another. Always encourage, assist each other and show your support in ways you can or should. Be interested in their dreams and goals. Let them know they can always count on your support and assistance each time. Care well enough to find out what they might be going through per time and see how you can be of any help. Sometimes don’t wait for your partner to ask first, just make some random assistance or sacrifice to show you have their interest at heart for this will go a long way.



Partners must be respectful of each other for a healthy relationship to grow. Show respect to your partner if you want to be respected in return. Respect is for everyone and not for some selected few. Having no respect for someone means having no regard or value for them and lack of respect in any relationship can cause a lot of conflicts. In showing respect, accept your partner’s differences and take them for who they are rather than your perception of them. Respect their background and experiences too; know that they are different from yours and keeping in mind that you have different upbringing, histories and that you see and perceive things differently.



No one is perfect and we all make mistakes every now and then no doubt, Yet in the midst of all our imperfections, we must learn not to take a person for granted and learn to apologize for our wrong and forgive quickly. Avoid bottling things in your mind and practice letting go. When your partner does something wrong to you which off cause is expected, let him or she knows about it immediately and when he or she does apologise, forgive and don’t nurse grudge towards one another.

These are some of many ways that create problems in our relationship for as a human race growth, development and evolution are how we’ve survived all these years. It was not only based on what we knew, what we saw or what we believed. We literally looked for new ways to go about things and to live life, and this is exactly how we must behave when we are dealing with other people. We live! We experience! We learn!

We build relationships! We lose some! We keep others for a lifetime and most especially, we change for the better!


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